Back From The Borderline
★★★★★

I don’t know how to “comment”

I may be doing this in the wrong space, but… here we go:

I’ve listened to 2.5 “Splitting” episodes tonight, and (God help me) I somehow really believed you when you said you read every comment (if an iPhone “review” counts as a comment… which I’m 70% sure it doesn’t…). So here I am with a self-destructive whiskey in my hand typing away: Very possibly into the Void

First thing:

I liked that you brought up tarot. I use it for myself and as an occasional party-trick. When I do a reading for other people I always refer to it as “dreaming in reverse”. Because dreams are essentially archetypical images generated from your ailing (or not) brain while you sleep, which serves to de-clutter your subconscious (probably… maybe… no one totally knows…). And by contrast, tarot relies entirely on the ubiquity of archetypes to reveal the needs of your unconscious mind to the awakened and alert part of your brain

… Leading, one hopes, to actionable insight for the future

So… I guess what I’m trying to say is that the stigma of tarot’s “woo-woo” quality can’t be escaped, but the practice is really nothing more than a therapeutic tool

Not that *you* need to be told that… but I just wanted to support the idea of its value

(I’m verbose, so strap in…) (… unless I get drunk-tired and just sorta stop…) (… This is… too many ellipses and… parentheticals all… at… … … once)

Okay:

Your description of the developmental matter of a baby’s sense of self-vs-external-input reminded me of some reading I got pseudo-assigned by my therapist. It’s come up before, but you described it so much more succinctly. Which I appreciate

… I may not be diagnosed with BPD tomorrow, but it’s seeming very likely that I might be. Particularly after listening to your podcast, which I heavily identified with

Within that context of “maybe”… (enjoy that extra ellipses), I want to offer a perspective on Splitting and the emotional reality of the moment

I see splitting slightly differently from the description you offered in your splitting episodes

I’m coming to consider it a matter of seeing no difference between what’s *happening* and who I *am*. That’s how I interpret the idea of being stuck in the realm of my 2-year-old self’s perceptions of good and bad

Without meaning to rob others of their personhood, I see their every negative reaction as an extension of my influence upon the world and its inevitable equal-and-opposite-reaction to me and my choices

I don’t mean to steal their independent existence
from them. I’m not solipsistic… I don’t think… but insofar as my life is the constant subject-at-hand for me, personally… I can’t help but view things through the lens of my degree of control over events

So: The decisions of people in my life become events in *my*story. Events which I will be defined by according to my reactions to them

March 7, 2022 by SomeoneStoleMyHandle on Apple Podcasts


Back From The Borderline