Aug. 2, 2021

Is your use of sex as self-harm the reason your relationships never work?

Is your use of sex as self-harm the reason your relationships never work?

Many people who identify with symptoms or traits of BPD engage in self-harming behaviors. What’s most often discussed is a tendency to *physically* self-mutilate by means of cutting/burning, etc., but what is not discussed as often (but should be) is what I call “sex as self-harm.” In this episode, I’ll describe how intimacy and sex can be used as a method of self-harm, how this has negatively impacted my life and relationships, and how I’ve begun to heal from the years of pain I endured due to these toxic patterns. 


💡 Questions answered and topics explored in this episode:

■ Why do people with BPD engage in self-harming behaviors

■ Why it can feel like relationships “just never work” when you have BPD traits

■ Can someone with BPD have a healthy relationship?

■ Understanding sexual impulsivity, sexual preoccupation, and promiscuity in BPD 

■ Early sexual exposure and childhood sexual abuse as it relates to BPD 

■ “High risk” sexual behaviors and BPD

■ The importance of self-love in BPD recovery and how to begin to cultivate it

■ How “impulsivity and victimization” make up the core of our issues with sex and intimacy 

■ Drinking and impulsive sexual behaviors

■ How sex as self-harm can be a mask for self-hatred

■ Learning to understand the importance of “full bodied sexual consent” for those with BPD and sexual orientation confusion

■ The connection attachment trauma plays into development of self-harming sexual behaviors in BPD


📝 Resources mentioned:

■ Article: Sexual Behavior in Borderline Personality by Randy A. Sansone and Lori A. Sansone

Disclaimer: information contained in this podcast episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional. 


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